Ask Dr. Faustaroll, Pataphysician #223

Dr. Faustaroll is permanently on ether sabbatical.  Filling in is the distinguished sick fuck, the one and only DR. LIGI, PATAPHYSICIAN.

  • I stood on the bridge
    and he said ligi
    it aint worth it
    and I said yeah
    so what else is new
    but he wouldn’t listen
    he wanted to listen to reason
    he needed some purpose
    he was looking for love
    go on I told him jump
    go on jump
    so he jumpd
    but you think anyone
    gave me any credit



Constant purging aesthetic discordance from the sight has stripped my gears at this point, Doc. Your “great shit” speaks for all of us at Smoke far better than I can about about the state of the state.  We, and by that I mean, Yossarian, Ahab, Dangerfield, Jack Crabb, Neal, Jack, Hunter and all the other voices in Boot Hill that make up my collective I, not only applaud you but would actually like to make you our Facebook and Twitter posterboy of existential rage.  What you think of that?




Fuck man, this apparently was moved by the spam filter with a bunch of MoveOn,  BlogCatalog, Newsmax, Michael Moore, Overstock, DIRECTV, and [email protected], so now I’m forced to apologize for Prince Albert Gore In A Can, who invented the Ted Stevens Interweb of connected tubiflex communication worms.

Yeah, you’re right. I have no inner resources, and I am heavy bored, which led one of my mentors to leap into the frozen headwaters of the Mississippi and bounce to his silly death like a fling toy with a tiny battery powered microprocessor that giggled and sputtered about not touching the button.

Spring has spritzed upon the nation of miserable fucks, whose citizens stand in the rain and the wind as the shit storm approaches displaying their unquestionable white breast turkey DNA for the god’s entertainment, staring up into Stephen Hawking’s paralyzed magnificent sphincter, out of which the Grand Design is spewing, incessantly, while the average American retard (and those angry emotional cripples and intellectual invalids and mental midgets who aspire one day to achieve a level of retardation which will allow them to participate in teabagger and libtard reality dodgeball competitions amongst their self-righteous selves with live — if braindead — ammunition), and let me tell you there is nothing better than mayhem and natural catastrophes on Good Friday.

You forgot Hungry Chuck Bukowski, my warped and twisted sense of humor — Weird Uncle Al Yanking It Jarry, celebrity chefs Jeffrey Dahmer and Alferd E. Packer, my lost sense of dehumanisticism, Neil Spearman, the ultimate terminal Franks, — Zappa and Stanford — not to mention Dean Stanky-Woof Swift and my favorite misogynist — John-Boy Blind Lemming Milton. I’m so tired of hate crimes and poke us in the fanny conservatism and knee replacement jerk-off liberalism — that I have no intention of simply offending all those other icky isms, such as Idealism, Catholicism, capitalism, cataclysmic mysticism, Judaism, modernism, humanism, and supply-side random trickle-down jism spewed by the rational folks who continue to register to vote without having already received contracts from the candidates who appear determined to make marginally intelligent people wish for the days when eugenics was a reasonable means of dealing with mental and moral defectives.

Give me the Holocaust. Please.

I’m supporting Donald Trump in 2012. He fits.

Your buddy,

Osama bin Faustroll Allah Long





Tags: ,

Leave a Reply


What's Happening In:

Little Rock - Arkansas Times
Buffalo - Artvoice
Athens, OH
The Athens NEWS
Austin, TX - Austin Chronicle
Baltimore - Baltimore City Paper
Birmingham - Birmingham Weekly
Black & White
Boise Weekly
Boston Phoenix
Boston's Weekly Dig
Boulder - Boulder Weekly
Charlottsville, VA - C-Ville Weekly
Chicago Newcity
Chicago Reader
Chico News & Review
Cincinnati - Cincinnati CityBeat
Rochester - City Newspaper
Minneapolis - City Pages (Twin Cities)
Lansing - City Pulse
Des Moines - Cityview
Halifax, NS - The Coast
Colorado Springs - Colorado Springs Independent
Columbia, SC - Columbia Free Times
Atlanta - Creative Loafing (Atlanta)
Charlotte, NC - Creative Loafing (Charlotte)
Sarasota, FL - Creative Loafing (Sarasota)
Tampa, FL - Creative Loafing (Tampa)
Dallas - Dallas Observer
Dayton - Dayton City Paper
Oakland - East Bay Express
Hermosa Beach, CA - Easy Reader
Eugene, OR - Eugene Weekly
New Haven - Fairfield County Weekly
Calgary, AB - Fast Forward Weekly
Athens, GA - Flagpole Magazine
Jacksonville, FL - Folio Weekly
Fort Worth, TX - Fort Worth Weekly
New Orleans - Gambit
Vancouver, BC - The Georgia Straight
Hartford, CT - Hartford Advocate
Honolulu - Honolulu Weekly
Houston - Houston Press
Springfield, IL - Illinois Times
Durham, NC - Independent Weekly (NC)
Corona, CA - Inland Empire Weekly
Madison, WI - Isthmus
Ithica, NY - Ithaca Times
Jackson, MS - Jackson Free Press
Los Angeles - L.A. Weekly
Las Vegas - Las Vegas CityLife
Las Vegas Weekly
Louisville, KY - LEO Weekly
Long Island, NY - Long Island Press
Maui, HI - Maui Time Weekly
Memphis - The Memphis Flyer
Knoxville - Metro Pulse
San Jose - Metroactive

Great Moments in Sportz
Fear & Loathing @ The Kentucky Derby

RALPH STEADMAN remembers meeting HUNTER S. THOMPSON: I heard a quick hiss from the spray can Hunter was brandishing. He had Maced me again!...

HUNTER meets RALPH: Another problem was his habit of sketching people he met in the various social situations I dragged him into--then giving them the sketches. »


painting collage of UBU, THE DECIDER by aka
Fred Wistow introduces Malcolm Gladwell

Max Blagg Commercial

  • 1965 collage by d.a. levy

  • Before you leave...
    visit Lally's Alley
    for daily updates
  • Visit Richard Cummings'
    The Fire Insider

    for daily updates
    Visit Dr Faustaroll's clinic
    at your own risk.

    A Message from Senator Franken

    Please take 2 minutes to watch this important video.

    Mark Jacobson’s
    OF POT

    On the one hand, marijuana is practically legal—more mainstream, accessorized, and taken for granted than ever before. On the other, kids are getting busted in the city in record numbers. Guess which kids. »

    Great Moments in Sportz
    Professor Irwin Corey Accepts The National Book Award for Thomas Pynchon

    It happened Thursday, April 18th, 1974, at Alice Tulley Hall, and those that were there will never forget it (if they remember it at all). The National Book Awards, commercial publishing’s now defunct version of the Academy Awards was in the bottom of the ninth, down »

    Mimi & Richard Farina Live

    In 1965, Mimi and Richard Farina dropped by the studios of WTBS (now WMBR) with electric guitarist Barry Tashian (of Barry & the Remains) for music and talk with DJ Ed Freeman. Richard is on dulcimer. One of Mimi’s two guitars is tuned like a dulcimer. The explanation for the brief gap in the tape has long been lost.


    Dick Lit
    Stacia St. Owens’

    “Dick lit” has been around since the first caveman’s curiosity stuck his dick into the equation when he rubbed those two rocks together around it until....
    Millie tittered, which is how girls used to be taught to laugh. Tilda wondered if this were an intentional jab.