HOW TO BECOME A BEER MYSTIC
There are those that know magic exists, but don’t know how or why it does, and those that do magic every day, but aren’t even aware they’re doing it. You could get stuck in a dichotomy between the two camps, unable to become an actual Beer Mystic no matter how much you guzzle between the lines, if you don’t actually submerge yourself in the text beneath the head. Sorry to hype the almighty type here, but to dylanize the cannibal, the changes they are about timing, and no matter what dangerfield you’ve followed down the road of self destruction in the past, you probably haven’t consumed anything with as much hidden gusto or as little secret kickback behind it as Bart Plantenga’s still unpublished ineberotic end of the century confessions of urban transcendence since the first day you stubbed your reality on A Yaqui Way of Knowledge.
Though all similarities between Furman Pivo and Carlos Castaneda’s journeys end with the discovery you’ve been transported to the next level of mutant cognition by Pivo’s ballsy, yet elegant, street-wise hops, if you’re stoked to the gills when that realization hits home, it won’t help you hold on to what’s right in front of your nose without drinking liberally from the language on a regular basis. Before you dive in, however, remember, there’s a fine line between drinking liberally and drinking gluttonously, even from the words, and that’s the reason that the brew that fills the Holy Grail has always been hidden right out in the open, in the tap on the bar in front of you.
Aye, let there be witnesses to the rise & fall of human dignity crawling around on the floor and puking its depraved guts out on our very feet. If you have to ask what’s on the menu, we can’t serve you. If multiple epiphanies were that easy to have, any drooler could drown in them, just like anybody can get drunk and make an asshole out of themselves. Beer Mystics, however, are a different breed of cat.
Sons & Daughters of the spiral of high wisdom found in lowlife dives, Beer Mystics have the power within themselves to illuminate blackouts without reverting to neon proselytizing. There ain’t no glitz on a Beer Mystic. A Beer Mystic doesn’t have to prove they can drink the whole fucking keg in one sitting. In other words, when the warm secure glow of realization begins spiraling in the belly, a Beer Mystic recognizes the knowledge being handed to them for what it is, and nurses the symbolic fruition into their own experience of reality.
In the same way a keg should not be devoured in one sitting, this book, if you can find it, should not be devoured in one sitting either. It should be nurtured through the great spiral, one word, one sentence, one epiphany, one chapter at a time. It could take you one brew a chapter to get through, it could take two, it’s as impossible to guess anyone’s number as it is to label the brand they crave to reach the understanding of their own understanding, but there’s no doubt, when they get there, when you get there, when I get there, we all know we’re there. And no one can tell us any different.
The sign of a true Beer Mystic, of course, is the ability to hold on to the spiral within themselves once they reach it. Most aspirants feel so good once they reach the Holy Plateau they have the overwhelming urge to feel better, and before they know it, the state of their consciousness is unconscious. Even the memory of the moment has gone back to the ether, and will only come out the next time — if there is a next time — they reach the peak of understanding the condition their condition is in. More self-developed than naturally gifted in the psychic arts & crafts, Beer Mystics, are always in-process, so always aware of how fleeting the spiral’s illumination may be. Like a zen archer, this awareness allows them to recognize the spiral and hold on to the illumination, long after the moment of cognition has passed. Obviously, Beer Mystics are a different breed of cat.
Mike Golden / Rudy’s Bar & Grill – Hell’s Kitchen, NYC – 7/31/99
Confessions Of A Beer Mystic by Bart Plantenga
#1 – http://smokesignalsmag.com/OldIssue/bartconfession1.html
#2 – http://www.smokesignalsmag.com/2/beermystic.htm
#3 – http://smokesignalsmag.com/3/beer3.html
#4 – http://smokesignalsmag.com/4/wordpress/?page_id=27
#5 – http://smokesignalsmag.com/7/?p=6
