ASK DR. FAUSTROLL, PATAPHYSICIAN

Dr. Faustroll is permanently on ether sabbatical.  Filling in is the distinguished sick fuck, the one and only DR. LIGI, PATAPHYSICIAN.

    • I stood on the bridge
      and he said ligi
      it aint worth it
      and I said yeah
      so what else is new
      but he wouldn’t listen
      he wanted to listen to reason
      he needed some purpose
      he was looking for love
      go on I told him jump
      go on jump
      so he jumpd
      but you think anyone
      gave me any credit

*************************************
Why is your column alway late, Doc?
Probably because I’ve got so many email addresses for you that every time I pick one it’s like the Rube on the corner betting on which shell the pea is hidden under.

Hope to get it up and out before X-mas.  Shoot me the juice, Bruce.

Goldini

*************************************

Hi Goldini –

That time of year the bastards in me may oft observe is a plague upon us is upon us. Let me wish the worst for everyone, in a vein (pun intended) attempt to counteract the pollyannas who never really read Dickens and are incapable of accepting a benign buttfucking, everyone.

Was that you in that AP picture with Lizzie Edwards? I’m impressed that you managed to interject some humor into that pathetic situation. Did you get a souvenir?

The Obamination continues to plod along doing Steppen Fetchit routines and expecting thanks for it. That asshole apparently thinks that whitey has suffered enough for the sins of Steinbrenner’s Yankees.

Did you read the latest on Metformin? It can turn you into a faggot. On the plus side, it apparently has some beneficial effect in combatting homo immunodeficiency vaginitis so that cunts can keep running the world.

Thank God John Lennon is dead. Can you imagine what a bore he would be by now kowtowing to that slant-eyed bitch?

What happens when you combine Wikileaks with supply-side tax breaks for the rich? Beats the fuck out of me.

I’m beginning to suspect that the reason there are so many zombies is that NOMF brain matter is so nutritionally deficient.

I have 30 pounds of yellow cake.

Should I call the FBI to ask them to help me conduct a domestic jihad against them? Do you think they will help?

I shot a thought into the ether, and it has apparently propagated.

About time.

Happy horrordays.

Your buddy,
Doctor Faustroll

*************************************

Ok Hoss, hard for me to juggle all the meaningless shit I’m juggling just to get a facsimilie of what I want up to my aesthetic liking and at the same time communicate with you on the highest level of give and take, so I admit if I’m going to play God Damn, I at least owe you some editorial guidance of what column I want to wring out of your demented sick fuck genius:

So here it is, Bunky; lay off Obama this time – too easy for you to kick and go after Facebook and the Social networking sites.

Even playing good ole God Damn I’ve got more sense than to put words in your mouth, so start off with your own:

So how much more meaningless has life become during the past year? Is that a legitimate question in the obaminable age of Social Networking?

goldini

*************************************

Fuck you, Mikey.

Since when is shit meaningless? When I don’t shit at least twice a day, I start bleeding from other orifices and begin to worry the wife and coworkers. Blood is good. It’s what keeps us alive.

Have you ever seen Pontypool? I realize that Laurie Assterton thought she captured the horror of Willie S. Addledmachine with Language is a Virus, but Pontypool is much better. The guy who wrote the book is named Tony Burgess. Eat my crotchwork orange. Irony, anyone?

Fuck Obama. The nigger is impossibly arrogant, ignorant, and marginally trainable, as events have proven. Monkey man makes ordinary non-white people wonder what the fuck they have to do to get recognized, one, and two, whether that is really the thing to do with Cry-Baby Boner about to stroke his meat-puppet on C-Span to inspire the Oprahfiles to stumble to the voting booth to elect more ignorant closeted cocksuckers.

Last time I saw God He was sucking me off at St. Francis of Assisi. Thank you Jesus, I said. Thank you Lord.

I prefer feeding info to Assange. He publishes it.

Literature is easy. I read it. I wrote it.  It bores me. As some English poofter once wrote: it makes nothing happen.

If you have evidence that life has become less meaningless since your unfortunate inception, provide it, and I will respond with a flippantly obtuse critique for Facebook or Twitter, where I have dozens of accounts that stir the shit pot inspired by Terry and his magic Christians.

Happy holidays.

Your pal,
Osama bin Stillerlaffen Hizzazov

*************************************

Hey Goldouchebag —

You fucking lame asshole. Whenever I wax too fucking serious about the meaningless of life in this nation of miserable fucks, you hide in that huge asshole of polite denial, or am I simply projectile varminting? I keep waiting to write your eulogy. “This was the crime that fried Mensa…”

So how much more meaningless has life become during the past year? Is that a legitimate question in the age of Obamination? I think Biraq needs to flag them ears around in Pelosi’s pussy to get his pathetic point across. Is this the best Stepen Fetchit impersonator the fairy contingent could come up with?

Help is not an option, unless you need a body, which the help personnel will gladly provide the location to.

Your fucking conveyance is always late, Mr. Goldini. I have been forwarding you the keys to the kinkdom well in advance of the actual ejectodump for a couple of decades. It is not my problem that the world continues to be appeciated by fucktards with less intelligence and art appreciation chops than the average brown forest slug. And don’t give me that shit about how low-brow New York has become since the assassination of John Lennon at the hands of the Marquis of Douchebags. Have you looked at Portland lately? These saintly cunts make Bloomburg’s asswipe of a city look like Alexandria.

I’m still waiting for the Slavs, asshole. The Chek is in the male.

Be nice, and I’ll give you’re the breast of the whory.

Your buddy.

Golem.

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